Within seconds of the A-Men of the closing prayer at church Wednesday evening Jennifer Bryan walked up to Paula and I with a twinkle in her eyes, her wonderful giggly smile, and with a gentle touch on my arm, said in her cutest little girl voice, “Guess what happened today?” Now normally I would have been right on top of the situation and known exactly where she was headed with this question, but it had either rained or drizzled all day so my first guess was out the door…. or so I thought. Paula, not being as astute as me, ventured a guess that I thought had come out of left field. “You got a hole-in-one!” At this point my line of logic couldn’t draw that conclusion, after all it has been raining for a solid week. That means the golf courses are soggy, and the rule would be cart path only. Plus as I said before it had been either raining or misting all day so I’m saying this girl hasn’t been on a golf course today. But, what do I know? Jennifer said, “No, but Linda did!”
Linda Romberger, and Jennifer are close friends and a very tight twosome on the golf course. They have played golf together for the last few years, and they always team up for their respective club tournaments. Ahh, so that’s why they would venture out on the course on a day like today. Golf tournament, enough said. These girls have been fairly successful in tournament play, and they don’t miss an opportunity to earn another trophy, or prize.
Jennifer went on to give a very detailed description of the day’s accomplishment. She told how she and Linda didn’t think the ball had gone into the hole, and how the other two ladies in the foursome just knew it did. She described the scene on the green when they discovered that Linda had in deed made a hole-in-one. Then she reminded us that the two of them had been playing together the day she carded her hole-in-one. Just like that, you know, like everyone has had a hole-in-one right? Well no, not everyone has had a hole-in-one. I haven’t had a hole-in-one. I’ve never even witnessed a hole-in-one. Paula said, “Everyone at the club is going to want to be in your foursome now, you girls seem to attract hole-in-ones.”
Once we got into the car to drive home I called Linda to congratulate her on her great golf achievement. She thanked me and for the second time in five minutes I was treated to a blow-by-blow account of the event of the day. I am very happy for them both, and it was fun to relive it with each of them. After the phone call I told Paula, that I had never even witnessed a hole-in-one. She said, “What, with all the golf you’ve played you’ve never had or seen one? Sounds like you need to start playing with Jennifer and Linda.” You heard it here folks, my wife just suggested that I play golf with two women!”
You know I got to thinking about that, and could see that maybe Paula was on to something. Maybe I have been playing golf with the wrong bunch of people for the last thirty-five years. That’s thirty-five years of who knows how many rounds of golf. Golf played in Texas, Idaho, Colorado, Nevada, and New Mexico. Golf played with men capable of shooting in the low seventies, and golf played with men who couldn’t break one-twenty on their best day. Golf played with men who address the ball and then stand frozen for so long they seem to have died before they take their stroke, and golf played with guys who it seems hit the ball as they hung out the side of the cart while driving by. Golf played on some of the top courses in the country, and golf played on some courses better suited for goat pasture. I’ve played golf in West Texas in April with the wind blowing thirty plus miles an hour, and the drizzle freezing on the chain link fences, (I never said I was smart.) and I’ve played golf in Las Vegas with the temperature hovering around one hundred ten. (But it was a dry heat. LOL) Yet I have been deprived of even witnessing a hole-in-one.
While I was talking to Linda on the phone she told me that including her hole-in-one that day she has witnessed six hole-in-ones. WHAT!? Yes, six of the buggers! Friends I have decided to take Paula’s advice. I am going to start playing golf with Jennifer and Linda. If that’s what it takes to make or even witness an HIO, that’s what I’m going to do. If I have to pay ‘em to let me join them, I’ll do it. If I have to wear a wig, lipstick, and skirt, I’ll do it. I gave up being macho a long time ago so if I have to tee it up from the ladies tees, I’m good to go. Whatever it takes is my new motto.
I ask you to please be kind as I go about my quest to a least witness an HIO. There may be times when I attend church without having completely removed my makeup. Please remember what you are there for, it’s not about me. There may be times when I am forced to walk in late with my skirt on, just go on about your business. There may be times when you drive by a golf course and see a threesome of ladies playing golf. A threesome comprised of two of the prettiest ladies you’ve ever seen, and one that is rather flat chested, has really ugly legs, and somehow seems to have rotated her rear end around to her belly. Please don’t honk your horn at the sight, especially if the threesome is on the tee of a par three. There will be serious business at hand.
Till next time,
Grump